Dear free thinkers and all those who have not submitted to the will of Allah,
I, Ibrahim Lone, hereby declare that I am reverting to Islam. I invite all of you to do the same. I have realized my folly in trying in leaving Islam, and to make up for my follies, I decided to grow a beard that would give Santa Claus a major inferiority complex. I have also begun saying prayers 5 times a day again. The fact that I have been kicked out of my job for cursing my Infidel Boss is hardly of any concern to me now, since I know that Allah will be giving me great rewards in the afterlife.
- However, I realized that merely reverting back to Islam was not enough to wash my deadly sin of apostasy. No way guys does Allah forgive the sin of apostasy. Therefore, in my own best interests, I decided to do something that would really please Allah. Being jobless, I decided to get hold of as many infidels and do Da’wah to them. In case you Kafirs don’t know what Da’wahmeans, I will tell you a thing or two about it. The word Da’Wah means calling people to the great religion of Allah, Islam. Just yesterday, I did Da’wah to a very scholarly animal (Allah has said in Quran 8:22 ‘Lo! the worst of beasts in Allah’s sight are the deaf, the dumb, who have no sense [Non-muslims]’); I am really sure that he was convinced by my answers. I knew that you stupid animals would not understand me; therefore, I decided to reproduce my conversation in this article.
(Therefore his likeness is as the likeness of a dog: if thou attackest him he panteth with his tongue out, and if thou leavest him he panteth with his tongue out. Such is the likeness of the people who deny Our revelations. 7:176)
My Rendezvous with an infidel
Me= Ibrahim Lone
K=The Infidel (Kafir)
Me: Asalamo Alykom Wa Rehamatullahi Wa Barakatuu
K: Wow! You have a very long name.
ME: Oh! No Sir, it is the Islamic greeting……..
K: (chuckling) Alright! So tell me what you do young man?
ME: I am the servant of Allah; I preach his words.
K: Servant of what? Okay whatever….
ME: Sir, I want to give you an opportunity to change your life.
K: Actually I am very happy the way I am, so thank you.
ME: No Sir, I am not going away; I am here to save you from Hell Fire.
K: Hell fire, what Hellfire?
ME: See how ignorant you are [laughing without showing my teeth, it was forbidden by the Prophet of Allah (PBUH)]
K: My dear, I have a PhD in Quantum Physics and I have written several books on Quantum Physics. I am not really as ignorant as you think I am.
ME: Yes, you are! I can prove it with my superior Islamic logic.
K: (now serious) Okay son, go ahead.
ME: It is my pleasure to give you the great news that Islam is here to save your soul from the eternal torture in hell.
K: Really and how is that?
ME: Well all you have to do is to recite the Shahada and you will be saved.
K: Wow! Before I do that, why don’t you tell me a few things about your Islam.
ME: Sure sir. First of all Islam is the only true religion of Allah and Muhammad (PBUH) is his prophet.
K: Gee! I am ignorant; tell me about Allah and his Prophet.
ME: Well Allah is the only true God.
K: Is he? Now okay, can you show me Allah?
ME: Yes, after you die you will get to see him.
K: Is that an example of your superior Islamic logic.
ME: Yes sir, wonderful isn’t it. Wait Till I tell you more.
K: I am listening.
ME: Islam is a the most peaceful religion in this world……
ME: Yes and the Quran is the most scientific book in this world.
K: Wait a moment. I read that the Quran says that the earth is flat and that semen is produced from between the ribs and the backbone…
ME: Allahu Akbar, that is a lie. Who told you that?
ME: Those murtads are liars. They have nothing else to do but lie. Believe me, there is no such thing. Quran is the most scientific book. In fact, if you read the Quran you can become a PhD of all sorts of sciences. There is a man called Dr. Zakir Naik. He also managed to become a doctor just by reading the Quran.
K: You mean that skinny guy who keeps on shouting and telling lies…
ME: Shut up you old fool. How you dare say that about Zakir Bhai? I will kill you.
K: Hey! You told me that Islam is the religion of peace and now you want to kill me for an off the cuff remark.
ME: Okay, alright, now listen to me: Islam teaches universal love peace and brotherhood.
K: Really? And how is that?
ME: Simple! All we Muslims have to do is either to kill or convert the unbelievers and there will be no more war. When every one will be Muslim, there will be peace and brotherhood all around.
K: (Muttering to himself) Some Peaceful religion, huh!
ME: What did you say?
K: Oh, no nothing, carry on.
ME: Well I would also like to tell you that in Islam you can marry four women and have an unlimited number of concubines. You can also divorce your wives whenever you like without having to worry about alimony. You can also beat her as much as like and you won’t have worry about the cops.
K: (shivering now) Alright, go on…
ME: Do you know that Allah has promised 72 beautiful virgins for Muslim men who go to Paradise?
K: Son, I am sorry but I am gay.
ME: Hey! No problem sir, there will also be 28 pearly eyed boys…….
K: Your Allah sounds like some kind of Pimp, man….
ME: Allahu Akbar! I will kill you animal.
K: I am not an animal.
ME: Yes you are. Allah has said in the Quran that Lo! the worst of beasts in Allah’s sight are the deaf, the dumb, who have no sense. [8:22]
K: Goodness, your Allah sounds like a psycho.
ME: Silence you old fool. Let me tell you more about Islam.
ME: Islam does not believe in terrorism actually Islam is against terrorism, the only religion to do so.
K: So what about Osama Bin Laden and the guys in Pakistan, Afghanistan Iraq, Libya, Algeria, Morocco?
ME: Oh no, they are not Muslims. Osama bin Laden is a Yemeni Jew; the Taliban and Pakistani terrorist are actually Hindus who want to disgrace Islam; and the rest of them in Libya, Morocco are Christians pretending to Muslim.
K: I have heard that there are Islamic terrorists in China too…
ME: Shut up or I will kill you for the glory of Allah…. Those Chinese terrorist are Buddhists who are pretending to be Muslims.
K: I really don’t think someone would take such pains to defame a religion.
ME: What pains?
K: You know like circumcision, bowing your body like 5 times a day, riding camels when you have cars available….
ME: I am telling you the truth, Muslims always tell the truth.
K: Really? Always?
ME: Yes, always except when we have to convert some one or get our job done; it is calledTaqqiyyya….Oops did I say Taqqiyya!
K: I guess you did. Hey I have to leave now, I am getting late for dinner….
K: I have to meet some Jewish friends for dinner.
ME: Oh no! Do you know that they are not human?
ME: Yes they are apes and monkeys; Allah has said so in the Quran: And ye know of those of you who broke the Sabbath, how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated![2:65]
The Jews that you see today are actually descendants of monkeys and apes.
K: It’s surprising to see that descendants of Apes could achieve so much; I mean no one community of people has given the world so many scientists, tycoons, intellectuals, artists. I mean …
ME: Shut up and listen to my superior Islamic logic. All this is a myth of the Zionist media. Do you know that Einstein, Shakespeare, Eisenhower, Beethoven and even Jesus were all Muslims?
K: Now that is a bit too much of hot gas…
ME: No gas, it’s true. It has been written in a book written by a Muslim; so, it has to be true, because I told you before that Muslims don’t lie.
K: Okay do you at least believe that the Holocaust was true?
ME; No, it another myth of the Zionist media.
K: And you are the honest one?
K: I am sorry to say son, you are nothing but a lying hypocrite.
ME: No I am not a hypocrite, people who don’t believe in Islam are hypocrites.
K: I am not talking about Islam; I am talking about the general sense of the word.
ME: But Allah decides the general sense of the word, not you.
K: Hey listen, your Islam is the most discriminatory religion; you guys don’t even allow non-Muslims in your Mecca and Medina.
ME: Well Allah said that non–Muslims are unclean.
K: Do you sometimes use your brains or always follow what Allah tells you?
ME: No, I always follow Allah.
K: Great, you know what you really made my day buddy. Son you can be a great standup comedian. I mean seriously your superior Islamic logic is unbeatable.
ME: Thank you I knew that you would bow down to the superior Islamic logic. Do you want more?
K: Thanks son! I guess I’ve had enough for the rest of my life. I think, I’ll go back home now and take a nap to get over with your logical Nuclear Bomb.
Did you guys see how I convinced this person with the help of my superior Islamic Logic? I am sure all of you must be convinced by now, including Ali Sina and MA Khan. So friends see you at the friendly neighborhood Mosque and listen to Khutba thisJummah and celebrate the greatness of Islam.
This article is a satire